I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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