Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
