Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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