Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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