If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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