Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
