Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
