You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize