You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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