Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
