can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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