I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
