Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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