Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
