I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
