I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
