Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
