I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
