last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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