I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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