my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
