it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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