thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
