THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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