you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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