i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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