Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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