i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
