I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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