I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
