Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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