So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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