I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
