I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
