She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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