and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
