its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
