carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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