My underwear smells like fireworks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
