No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Say something about gay babies.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
