TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
