i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize