Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
