Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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