I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize