There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
