what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
