i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
