i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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