Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
