I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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