I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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