it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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