I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
