I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
