I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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