I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I met the friendliest cop last night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
