I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
