I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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