dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
