I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
