so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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