I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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