i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize