Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm at about main and main street
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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