Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
