Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
