i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
