Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
