That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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