Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
