I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
