Whod you bang
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
