By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
